Sunday, 31 July 2011


So I got  back from that horrific holiday with my family. The one ruined by Mr. Wonderful because he kept accusing me of having cheated on him with my friend of 25 years - yet he is allowed to flirt with an ex from 20 years ago even though she is married with children and obviously unhappy in her relationship. There is no logic in a Narcissist's world - there is only his views, his life, his needs, his wants and what he believes. He may disguise it a putting you first but in the end it is all about how he can manipulate it so that it is all about him.

I get back and he has made me feel as if I had cheated on him. Just to remind you he found an email I wrote to my friend telling him that I just didn't want to tell Mr. W. because of his unbalanced view of males in my life and the fact that he was african american. Mr. W. broke up with me and announced it across FB but then got back with me after making me feel like I had actually done something when I had done NOTHING. The cracks in his facade were showing and I was beginning to see what a liar and selfish ass he was.

So through all this I am still financially supporting him in many ways. I have already given him money to cover his mortgage three times, covered expenses for feeding his horse and have paid to have the horse shod. As time goes by he keeps referring to me as his "soon to be Mrs." and that we will move in together and that when that happens he will pay for the mortgage and utilities because he owes me so much monetarily it will make him feel better because real men don't take money from women. I guess that doesn't apply to me or to his sister. (His sister I will discuss in another post).

Over and over again he would tell me how he loves me and that the past is the past. In my mind there was no past other then his temper tantrums, his over dosing on his pain meds, his taking of my money (when I earn half of what he does)  and his childish silent treatments. His constant need for attention was wearing thin and then there was a day when, looking back, I know I was completely under his control.

At his house he had his laptop open all the time. I noticed now and then he would get emails from single sites but, like me, you can get spammed as your address can be added to any number of mailing lists. I asked to look on his computer at a site selling horses as I was always looking but could not afford to buy and he said sure. I went in to type in the URL and in the drop down of sites he had already visited up comes a URL of a singles site he was still active on with horses in the name. I found it and found he had been talking with a female in the US and that he had told her he had not found anyone yet and he was still looking. That she was gorgeous (not) and just his type (anything with a heartbeat). I showed him what I found and HE accused me of snooping. I then realised that all those emails were NOT spam but he was still active on all these sites. I told him if he didn't take down his pages I was gone. He dropped to his knees and begged me. Somehow he managed few tears to add to the effect and I fell for it. Hook, line and sinker. I know I am the fool but he had me wrapped around his finger. Completely.

Over the next few weeks I watched him delete no less then four different pages across singles sites. I made me sick. My insecurities hit an all time high. I treated this man like gold and he was still looking - did that mean I was useless and horrible? Not good enough? Ugly? Fat? Stupid? That is how all this made me feel. It blew everything up into huge proportions. Top that with the fact that his mobile was always on silent and he would text someone without telling me so I knew I had to work harder.

I know reading this back some may think that I should have just walked away but an emotionally abusive relationship is like no other. It is under your skin and tears you apart from the inside. Though Mr. W was uneducated he was smart in knowing how to twist the hearts and minds of the women in his life. As educated and self aware as I was, and am, it's women like myself that attract men like this. They hunt us like prey because we have what they don't - smarts, ambition, success, happiness - things they will never realise or achieve. We supply them with what they themselves are unable to find and when they begin to face this they devalue and discard us. Mr. W wasn't done with me yet so we continued on.

Saturday, 30 July 2011

The everyday

I think I need to tell the bits that are often forgotten by victim as they are taken swiftly forward on a tide of control, craziness, confusion and manipulation.

Everyday my "self" was chipped away and lost. Parts of me that I was so sure of were left behind in a cloud of dust in the forward momentum of Mr. W's fantasy of our relationship.

You see what he was was all false and a facade. Over the years he perfected how to find out what makes his "supply" tick and he would find what buttons would ensnare and hold his female victim to him and make them stay. With me I was at a time in my life that I stood at a crossroads - I wanted to move on into another career, not sure how to do it, I wanted to learn more about myself but not quite there yet. I had a soft spot for weak people that needed "fixing." The truth was I needed fixing myself but I wasn't quite cognizant of this myself but he was - oh yes he was.

I was always the one that wanted the strong man who recognised my intelligence and inner beauty. I wanted a man who was a "real man" when in truth, at that time, I wanted tomeone to just take control for once as things were a bit meandering for me. Mr. W came along and bowled me over and took control and swept me off my feet but then all the little bits and bobs started.

First he was in debt. In my world you take the bull by the horns and deal with it but he would just bury his head and keep spending like it was nothing. He kept overdrawing his account and missing his mortgage payments and not able to pay his utilities. Well I had quite a bit of savings and he told me how he thought men who took money from women and didn't pay it back were weak so I knew he would pay me back. I got him on a debt management plan in the end but he never care about his budget as he knew I would cover or his sister, his main enabler, would give him money. A 51 year old man who couldn't manage his own money and relied on his sister's husband to support him. The reality is the husband never knew how much money his wife gave to his brother-in-law - sad, very very sad. The poor man was used by the whole family and never questioned it. He said he loved me and wanted to marry me so he would pay me back of course!!. Over the 18 months we were together he drained my savings account in both the UK and US with promises of our getting married and moving in together but none of this happened. You see he was not a man at all - he was an emotional, mental, spiritual, financial vampire. He took and took from me and gave me nothing. He managed to buy all this crap for himself and his horse but never did I see and engagement ring and each time it came to moving in with him he created drama just before so that it never happened. Funny how that worked.

I have yet to see more the 385 pounds paid back out of thousands owed I guess that's the price I have paid for my freedom but it is disgusting how, once again, he doesn't face the responsibility of the consequences of his actions.

Another wonderful thing he would do is constantly comment about other women on a daily basis. His exes were brought up everyday in one way, shape or form. "oh that actress looks my ex so and so " or "oh that presenter looks a bit messy it must be when she left the flat this morning". You see he lived in this fantasy world where, jokingly, all these hot actresses, presenters, girlbands, would rush down his door each night for hours of hot sex with him and leave early before anyone knew. His maturity was about that of a 14 year old and there were times I had to treat him as such. The constant barrage of comments about women on television, computer, in his head, and oogling walking down the street at first put me ill at ease and then made me feel as if I was in competition with every female on the planet. That on top of the fact that he never acknowledged to women that he was in a relationship and when women did meet me I had to introduce myself as Mr. W's partner made me appear as the jealous peerson. The truth is that he is the liar and they are just ignorant. He would lead all these females on until, as he would say. I would ruin it for him. He was only flirting he would say - yeah right  - he was looking for new "supply" so he had backup should I leave him. Without the adoration of females, ANY females he would feel less of a man. Truth was he was less of a man anyway I just wasn't seeing it after all, it was love.

Then there was the little comments - "You've gained a little weight you know" or "you think I am dumb don't you" - that was my favorite knowing he left school as a teenager and I have been educated to an advanced level he always thought people thought he was stupid. Truth is he was not the sharpest knife in the drawer and I had to translate certain documents for him. Truth is, toward the end, I was tired of the same old topics of discussion - always topics he chose - same old things on the weekends. He managed to alienate my friends, make me believe that his life was our life and, in the end, that I was a lesser person to all those other females. The reality was I was, and am, a better quality, better educated, higher class person then he could ever be and it took a long time for me to remember that.

Monday, 18 July 2011

The little things

So his horse was at this large livery and, to my understanding, things were going well between us but little things were noticeable. Mr. W had a female ex that would text him good morning and text him good night even tho she was married with children. I expressed to him that I felt this was inappropriate for a married woman to behave even if they were "long time" mates. He told her to stop and go away as per my request and, supposedly, she did. He would text in front of me and not tell me who he was texting and lie when I asked him. In the beginning of our relationship Mr. W stated he did not approve of women who dated outside their race as he had never done. When he asked me if I had I said yes as I had dated a long time friend after my divorce for one summer who happened to be African-american. We had been intimate three times and it just didn't work. It was a relationship as Mr. W defined it and as the world revolved around him and HE defined things so dating someone on and off for three months makes him my boyfriend but not to me. What I thought and how social moires in my country were of no concern to him. He said he forgave me for that but for the rest of our time together he would make comments about how I prefered black men and would point them out on television to me and say "there's your man" - frankly it disgusted me that he was like this but his tantrums and silent treatments were many so I walked on eggshells with him.

It soon came to November of that year and I was to travel to see my family and friends in America as I do every year. Now Mr. W's behaviour was so insane when I went to visit friends or even talked to any male friends, especially those of colour, that I didn't tell him right away that there might be a chance that I would see my African-american friend while home. As he was going home to see his mum I had a small window to see him so I wasn't even sure if we would see each other. Mr. W asked me on the way to the airport if I would see my friend and I was stupidly honest and said maybe but not sure and he immediately began quizzing me. Then he became quiet and distant. While in the airport he started going on about how I was too good for him and maybe I should find someone else. With all his health problems and money problems maybe I should move on. You know what? I should have but I was in love and blind and this was another of his ways of manipulation. He throws down the pity card and victim card and makes himself appear needy and vulnerable playing off my soft spot of helping weak people and he knows i am hooked.  I got on the plane and when I got off there was a text from Mr. W going on and on about how I had planned a secret liaison with my friend and good riddance and have fun. Meanwhile he was home on single sites and soliciting females and telling them he was single. So as he was accusing ME of cheating he was doing it himself. I didn't know this until a couple of months later. Mr. W ruined my entire holiday with my family. He went on and on about how I cheated on him over and over again. Silent treatment over and over again. I was so caught up in it all that I didn't know what to do.

Upon my return home he picked me up and then took me home. I went to the doctor a few days later as I had another urinary tract infection. Since meeting my Mr. W I perpetually had UTI's. I never had them like this before. Her REFUSED to take antibiotics and as many I took I kept getting them. While I was at the doctor's Mr. W went through my emails and read an email I sent to my friend telling him not to mention online we had met up as my partner would go off the wall. Well I got back from my appointment and the computer was left on my bed with that email open and then Mr. W went on FB and put on his status about how he had proof in black and white that I had cheated on him and now he was a free man blah blah blah. I wish I had let the break up stay broken but, again, I was stupid. He sent an email to my friend back home asking if he had been tested for STD'S as I had a UTI so something must be wrong. What an uneducated asshole. He was the one with the problem and he gave it to me. I wish I had seen the red flag waving in my face but I was already beaten back and under the cycle of control and isolation so I ignored it and went back to him.

I know what a moron I was.....

Monday, 11 July 2011

Trying to explain to others

You know there are nights I lay awake till late late hours with thoughts running around in my head.

Over and over again I try to find the point when I became blind, deaf and dumb to the abuse Mr. Wonderful visited upon me.

Thoughts tinged with anger and hatred at the man that has scarred my mind, heart and soul with his own self loathing and insecurities. An anger at the man who took from me all that was missing within himself and devalued and discarded it. At times, a rage toward the person that financially ruined me and walked away unscathed and uncaring because he has no ability to stand in another's shoes because his own are too important and grandiose.

I guess I should be thankful that I have my sanity because there are those who came before me that were not so lucky. I should be thankful that I have the skills, education, ambition and drive he does not have to rebuild my life and I know I am regaining the self respect that he tore from me but only slowlly and in small steps.

I remember him saying, in the beginning that he hated women that lied and cheated when throughout our relationship that is all he did. His constant telling me "you are all about money" when all he did was take mine never to pay it back; his desperate need to be respected and adored at the expense of those around him.

Just thinking about these things makes me physically ill.

There were times he would threaten to kill himself and, at first, I, and his sister, would worry all night if he would wake up iin the morning. It finally got to the point where even his own father told his sister that if Mr. W was going to do it then let him do it. He was constantly the victim. If it wasn't work trying to get him out of his job it was his GP taking control of his meds and if it wasn't the GP it was the latest livery owner being stupid and not knowing as much as he did about how to run a livery or it was one of his "crazy" exes badmouthing him when all he did was bad mouth them - to a point.

Then there was the constant objectification of women. His constant fantasy life that girl bands were pounding on the door to be with him in bed or the morning newsreader looked a bit rumpled because she just left his place or that singer on the video called him recently. It's funny once in awhile but this was constant and degrading. He felt that he should look at women in front of me instead of behind my back because at least he was honest about it. It was digusting.

What he never realised is that women found his behaviour appalling. He seemed to think all these women at the yards actually saw him as some good looking virile man's man but after he discarded me women would go out of their way to tell me the truth of his disturbing flirting and almost offensive leering at them. There were times they would see him and walk the other way and they told me how they felt sorry for me because he was often asking women out for drinks or telling people how he didn't want to be with me behind my back. I don't know why these women came to tell me these things but I am glad they did as it validated my intuition as time went by.

The embarrassment went deep. How could I face my family as they thought we were to be married and all he did was spend his money on himself and his stupid knife collection and paintball equipment he never used. How could i even attempt to get my friends back in my life without him trying to chat them up or say disgusting things about them? I became to isolated and depressed. I truly didn't know where to turn or where to go.

I thought his sister understood as she had been in a very long term abusive relationship before her husband came along but she seemed to forget all that as soon as he dumped me. I guess blood always sides with blood - as would most - but she enables his drug addiction and his shopaholic behaviour because, as she says, "he's my brother" but I always felt you can't choose your family but you can choose whether to be close to them.

All if this going on in my head, in my life, and, as I continue the story, it only gets worse.

Back to reality

When I got back from that holiday things seemed to change. In little ways.

We moved his horse from a small livery yard to a large equestrian centre. The small yard had messed up in the care of Mr. Wonderful's horse and though we attempted to find a middle ground to reconcile a misunderstanding he moved his horse when no one was around and took him to the new yard. I used to think it was the female owner's dislike of Mr. W. that had him barred from the yard but it was actually her husband's distaste for the man that kept him from allowing him back on the yard. Mr. W thought he had trained his horse well in western riding but the truth is he gave his horse his own bad habits. Mr W was so desperate to appear different and american that he sacrificed the proper and professional training of his horse for appearances sake. Personally I think he used his money on himself rather than do what was right and have his horse professionally trained. He so liked to tell people how he'd trained it himself and it was not that hard. That used to kill me - people educate themselves for years to be qualified to be allowed to train horses and he saw it as easy to do after all he did it so anyone can. His ego knew no bounds. I believe the real reason he left the small yard is that no one looked up to him and he had to follow their rules and that didn't sit well with him.

At the new yard - a much much large yard -  He settled his horse in. Personally I found the yard to be a social open place but from the beginning Mr. W went on about how there were very few men there and mostly women so it was perfect for him. I didn't get a chance to get up to the yard for a few weeks but apparently he made sure to never mention he had a partner to any of the women there and flirted with as many as he could asking about the ones he felt attractive. When the rest of the stables next to his horse filled up I went up there to meet the owners of the four horses. The coloured cob next to his was a lovely horse and his owner was a strong willed woman who spoke her mind and knew a lot about her animal and horses in general. I liked her right off and we got along. I respected her knowledge and it reminded me of how much I knew about horses as I have studied them all my life and ridden when I was younger. Mr. W never asked how much I knew about horses and it would have surprised him how much more then him I knew but I kept my mouth shut. Easier that way - let him feel as if he knew it all.

When Mr. W saw that C and I got along, the woman that had the horses next door, he began to bad mouth her when she wasn't around. Made fun of her weight and knowledge. As the weeks, months went by, (and apparent after we broke up) that he made sure I was isolated on the yard. He picked and chose the females I was allowed to talk to and bad mouthed the ones he didn't want me to know about. He told me that women on the yard didn't want to be friends with me because I was to possessive of him when the truth was he wanted me to not talk to any of the women tthere in case they told me the things he'd been saying about me and and about us.

Apparently a few things happened that I did not have knowledge of but, deep within my gut, knew something wasn't right. Even though he had asked for my hand in marriage he told everyone that asked that we were not engaged and that he wasn't in love with me and wasn't even attracted to me. When confronted by the more confrontational women he would never answer as to why he didn't leave me.  I also found out that a friend of C's, who Mr. W had bad mouthed to me over and over again, had turned him down for drinks hence his hate campaign against her. I found out about this after we broke up and it tore me to to bits. I am sure if he were confronted now about any of this he would deny all of it because he is a liar. Through and through - if he is breathing he is lying he did it then and I am sure he does it now.  Sadly his family never sees the forest for the trees and believes whatever comes out of his mouth but I found that out much later - much much later.

Thursday, 7 July 2011

Cast of characters

So my father gave his permission and I was very very happy.

I want to explain all involved in the movie that was created in my ex's head including family and pets.

First there is myself - late 40's, tall, american, attractive (so I have been told) Master's level education, a bit geeky, and too much of a fixer when it comes to those in my life, divorced ten years, loves to read, go to the cinema, very into country music and horses, owns a cat and has significant savings, comes from a middle to upper class Jewish family who are all successful and well educated.

Next is him - 49 when we met, works in the criminal justice system, close contact with criminals, left school at 15, doesn't read a book for a pleasure, in debt up to his eyeballs, prescription drug addict and shopaholic, engaged 7 times (didn't realise this till way into the relationship) and all his ex's were "crazy", married once but never lived with her and her family, owns a horse, desperately wants to be american, listens to country music, ex professional body builder, comes from a family of publicans who moved a lot and coddled him and his every whim.

ExN's sister who is married to an american after knowing him three weeks, married 15 years with little sex life, and he has supported her and indirectly the exN for many years. The husband is constantly playing online SIM computer games. She used to be a model 20+ years ago and supports her husband but rarely leaves the home and lives her life on the computer mostly on Facebook. Is more emotionally involved in other people's lives and has multiple FB profiles so she can "play" (sexually flirt) with other men and others not see it. She uses pictures from her modelling days as she doesn't feel comfortable using recent pics as that would not attract the type of man she likes to flirt with. She enables her brother's inability to control his finances and believes anything he tells her even when shown the evidence. She and I were close until the end when she stuck to blood but she knew the truth.

Horse - the exN had a horse that he used to gather supply but because of his burning bridges at various liveries this poor animal had to be moved again and again. The horse was not ridden enough to keep fit and even when the exN was not working he still neglected to visit the animal on a daily basis.

Cat - my cat refused to warm up to the exN and he spent hour upon hour attempting to get her to like him. After a year she tolerated him but she wouldn't go to him without a treat.

There you have it - the major players - minor ones come along but this is the cast... 

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

All by myself

During those first three months it was as if I was at the beginning of a drug addiction.

Bombarded with affection and grand gestures of "love". Announcing how he'd met the perfect person and that we should live together, in fact, we should be married! It was all heady, romantic stuff but we never went on actual "dates" where we dressed up, went out, and he paid. Now I am not materialistic in this way but I am traditional and did expect some of the "wooing" that comes with dating but none of that happened. I also noticed that lack of foreplay in our physical lives and he never initiated any public affection - I did.

I was caught up in the rush of it all. Here was this strong, handsome man sweeping me off my feet declaring his affection but in the back of my mind were a few things that cropped up - he was HUGELY in debt but kept shopping and spending as if it was nothing and already he had missed his mortgage payments and I covered them as he said he didn't want to go to his family again and he would pay me back - after all we were going to be together forever right? Also he kept taking a large amount of prescription pills. He seemed to take enough codeine to knock out his horse! Also each day he went on about how he was the victim of a conspiracy at work that were trying to get rid of him because he cost too much to keep due to budget cuts. Everyday it was all about his issues and problems - rarely did we talk about more a then a few minutes about my day without it moving on to him and his issues. Now understand that this is all hindsight - at the time the nurturer and fixer in me was feeling pity for an injured man who was not educated to an extent to understand what his job was trying to do to him. All I saw was a man that needed a strong woman to stand beside him and help him through. All along he was learning and watching me and working on what it took to manipulate and control me, to find a way to make me think I was crazy.

In the weeks following my birthday I went to visit my friend in London for the day and evening. As we had worked out I would text him when I got there safely and I did. He continued to text me through the day with cute things but when I went to dinner I put the phone in my bag and besides the restaurant had bad reception and it's rude to use the phone while having dinner as well as I had not seen my friend for quite awhile and I wanted to have a catch up.

Once I got out of the restaurant I checked my phone and he had texted me at least 6 times and called 4. Each text got angrier and angrier and the voicemail messages were full of accusations. I went to ring him and he did not answer. I called Mr. Wonderful's sister and she said he wasn't talking to me because he thought I had cheated on him because I had not responded to his texts. I was upset and confused. Why would any normal person think that in the hours I had spent with my girlfriend I had cheated? When he finally answered the phone after i was back in my home on the coast he sounded drugged up and stated he had an ex that had gone off and cheated on him in this manner so he thought I had done the same thing. I didn't realise this is how the it all begins - the manipulation and isolation - I didn't realise it then but I began to spend less time with my friends because after all, this was the man that I loved so why would i want to hurt him?

A couple of months after that I went on holiday with my family and he had been invited but once again he found a reason to not attend but while on that holiday he skyped my father and asked for my hand in marriage. My father said yes and i was ecstatic. It seemed perfect and everyone was happy for me.

I didn't realise his words meant nothing, it ALL meant nothing...

Sunday, 3 July 2011

Knight in shining armour...

I think there are times in our lives when we question everything - who we are what we are doing why we made the choices we have made - the usual. I know my faults - as many as anyone else - insecurities when it comes to my looks, my weight - wondering if I have enough money to make it to retirement - will I become the crazy cat lady? One of my greatest fears used to be growing old alone. I know there are many people, male and female, when they get to a certain age - for me my forties - that we feel as if we have to make that decision of living as a singe person or hunt for a partner. Since the horror of this relationship I have come to the conclusion that it is best to be a whole single person then a broken person in a relationship but I digress...

For the week following meeting Mr. Wonderful I was texted constantly called each morning and night. Told how beautiful and amazing I was. I was perfect and the answers to all his prayers. My birthday was that Friday so I went into London and met with my friends and called Mr. Wonderful on the phone and let all my friends speak to him. He couldn't attend as his leg was in a cast and getting around in town would have been difficult. He seemed perfect. He was exactly what I had imagined - he was handsome, fit, manly, decisive and I was the answer to his dreams. All my insecurities pushed aside in one fell swoop. He was all I had imagined - exactly that - imaginary.

The next week he went into surgery for his achilles tendon. Each day I took an expensive cab to the hospital and visit with him. He showed great appreciation. His sister came one day and she was great and we quickly became friends. Each day I brought him foods that most people would like only to realise that he lived on sweet junk food and diet coke. I filed this away for later pondering. I also noticed he had a bag with a lot of prescription pills but had yet to explain that to me.

He was soon discharged and we began spending night after night together. The physical side was ok but not mindblowing and he began to have "issues" in the bedroom but it was infrequent. Mr. Wonderful also seemed to have a lot of issues at work. He showed me emails where they were reviewing his status and were looking to retire him after 16 years of working at the same job. He went on about how he was the victim of a conspiracy to get rid of older workers because they could get cheaper labour fresh off the streets. This did make some sense but he didn't seem to be in a rush to get back to work and his emails in return to his workplace were full of sycophantic statements about what a loyal employee he was when off the record went on about the ugly dyke lesbian running his establishment and how all the lesbians were taking over. My warning bells began to ring but for some reason I ignored them - for some reason when it came to this Knight in Shining Armour all red flags flew out the window. He thought I was amazing so what could be wrong?

It starts...

For many years I have used online dating. In fact I met my former husband as a result of a personal ad in a local paper - pre dating sites - so I have found them, on the most part, easy, convenient and, again mostly, troublefree. Let me set that stage....

In that year my company had been bought out by a large corporation and I am not one to lock-step with that kind of thing so I took my payout and left the big city for the seaside and took some time to reflect and collect myself and see where my next steps would take me. As I hold a Masters in Counselling I thought maybe starting my own practice was the way to go but the recession hit and counselling was available for free as everyone was depressed so I began looking for a new career - a new job. Ten months into this an acquaintance of mine left her job working for a local charity so I applied and succeeded in getting the position. It was while my background was being checked, about 2 months before the start of my new job, that I joined

Now let me say I am sure many people have met many other, lovely people on Match and this time around I thought I was one of those people. The week prior one of my closest and oldest friends from home came to visit me for a week. Many years ago, nine to be exact, we had dated briefly only to realise we loved each other but we didn't work as a couple so we remained close and his friendship is one that I truly, truly cherished. During that week a man began to email me. His picture was of himself and his horse and there was a lengthy description of the type of man he was - he wasn't into sport, loved shopping, physically affectionate, into animals and a bit outdoorsy as well as lived relatively local. I thought to myself well let's write back.

While my friend was visiting I had my phone on silent or off because I felt it intrusive to have calls all the time. I had given the Matchman my mobile number and he had taken to texting me but I was busy and did not respond quickly. After all I didn't really know him and my friend had come to visit. His texts became odd and distant and rather stand offish. I apologised and told him a friend was visiting so I would get back to him the following week. He was fine with that as was I.

My friend left and that day I received a text and I called the man. His accent was a little thick for an englishman but I eventually got used to it. He made me laugh and seemed genuine. We made arrangements to meet the next Monday. The next Friday he emailed me to tell me he had had an accident at work and was laid up at home and could not meet up. We had had such great conversations that I thought it would be nice to meet him so I agreed to go to his place. Now I know that is not the wisest move but I felt he would be worth it and he worked in the justice system so I felt safe for some reason.

I got his address and went there. He answered the door in a dressing gown and shorts on crutches with a cast. He was extremely fit for a man his age and was very attractive to me. We sat and chatted but one thing led to another and, as consenting adults, well, no need to go into details. I can say it was a good but not great afternoon and as far as I was concerned it was not anything I was planning on continuing.

Then it started. The texta, the calls, the emails. The overwhelming of my time and energy. This man said he couldn't believe how lucky he was - how he's met the perfect woman. How though he was English all he wanted was to be American, to be with an American, live in America. He wanted to see me again - when can we do that? He would find a way to come see me....and he swept me off my feet. Never had I met someone so passionate about me, about us, about the whole thing....