Sunday, 3 July 2011

Knight in shining armour...

I think there are times in our lives when we question everything - who we are what we are doing why we made the choices we have made - the usual. I know my faults - as many as anyone else - insecurities when it comes to my looks, my weight - wondering if I have enough money to make it to retirement - will I become the crazy cat lady? One of my greatest fears used to be growing old alone. I know there are many people, male and female, when they get to a certain age - for me my forties - that we feel as if we have to make that decision of living as a singe person or hunt for a partner. Since the horror of this relationship I have come to the conclusion that it is best to be a whole single person then a broken person in a relationship but I digress...

For the week following meeting Mr. Wonderful I was texted constantly called each morning and night. Told how beautiful and amazing I was. I was perfect and the answers to all his prayers. My birthday was that Friday so I went into London and met with my friends and called Mr. Wonderful on the phone and let all my friends speak to him. He couldn't attend as his leg was in a cast and getting around in town would have been difficult. He seemed perfect. He was exactly what I had imagined - he was handsome, fit, manly, decisive and I was the answer to his dreams. All my insecurities pushed aside in one fell swoop. He was all I had imagined - exactly that - imaginary.

The next week he went into surgery for his achilles tendon. Each day I took an expensive cab to the hospital and visit with him. He showed great appreciation. His sister came one day and she was great and we quickly became friends. Each day I brought him foods that most people would like only to realise that he lived on sweet junk food and diet coke. I filed this away for later pondering. I also noticed he had a bag with a lot of prescription pills but had yet to explain that to me.

He was soon discharged and we began spending night after night together. The physical side was ok but not mindblowing and he began to have "issues" in the bedroom but it was infrequent. Mr. Wonderful also seemed to have a lot of issues at work. He showed me emails where they were reviewing his status and were looking to retire him after 16 years of working at the same job. He went on about how he was the victim of a conspiracy to get rid of older workers because they could get cheaper labour fresh off the streets. This did make some sense but he didn't seem to be in a rush to get back to work and his emails in return to his workplace were full of sycophantic statements about what a loyal employee he was when off the record went on about the ugly dyke lesbian running his establishment and how all the lesbians were taking over. My warning bells began to ring but for some reason I ignored them - for some reason when it came to this Knight in Shining Armour all red flags flew out the window. He thought I was amazing so what could be wrong?

No comments: