Thursday, 1 September 2011

The beginning of the end...

At this point I am detaching from the relationship. I am beginning to see from an outside perspective how horrific the situation is. How broken my partner is and how he is an absolute asshole. Out of respect for his insanely possessive behaviour I tell him a month before my going to the states that I am going to meet a MARRIED old CHILDHOOD friend that I haven't seen in 30 years and we are going to have lunch. I showed my exN who this man was, that he was married with kids, that he was a prominent person in NYC and that he was a generally normal nice guy. He seemed fine with all this but as Narcs can't stand someone else's success he began to devalue and degrade my friend. Making comments about his looks and his accomplishments. I expected this and ignored him.

I counted the days till my trip. Of course, once again, my exN could not go with me as, conveniently his second surgery on his leg was scheduled so he could not fly. That was fine with me. I had already decided to break up with him in January and, besides, I could not afford to pay for him and feed him while in New York. I actually thought my exN had gotten his stuff together but I was so very wrong.

When I got to NYC I checked in and first thing I did was plug in my laptop. Understand that my exN was the last to use it in my flat in the UK looking at his FB page. As I use Firefox browser it saves the last session if it was not closed down properly. Please also understand that my exN is a computer idiot and to this day does not understand anything about how browsers/computers/internet works and seems to believe that since I worked in advertising in the internet in my past that makes me a master hacker. I opened my laptop and clicked on Firefox and it asked me to reboot my last session - I clicked on yes and up pops up my exN's FB page specifically on his private messages page and lo and behold there is a conversation he is having with one of his sister's low life skanky no morals female friend about how I hate blondes and she is the hottest thing on the planet and let's have some fun. She is completely aware that I exist and she didn't care and even said that he would be in big trouble if I found out. He simply didn't care and told her to keep her comments only to private message so that I wouldn't find out.

My stomach dropped out and I ran into the bathroom and threw up. Not only did this certify what I already believed it closed the door on my deeper emotions. I then did something I have never done before. Before I left while I was in my exN flat I saw his password next to his laptop. I memorised it. After seeing this crap on FB I opened up his mail client and typed in his email address and password and read his emails. I saw the full conversation and it was disgusting. I only did it the once and I was disgusted to find he also was back on the singles sites. That it was true that if he was breathing he was lying. I confronted him about this and he said it was nothing. I confronted the disgusting female on FB and she denied and lied just like him. A whore is whore - I would have called her a prostitute but at least they have the self respect to charge - this woman gave it away for free. Mr. W demanded that I apologise to HER. I sent her an email that said sorry for the surprise but I meant every word I said.

Not sure how to move on I skyped him and was disgusted to even see his face hearing all his lies about how he missed me. I proceeded with my holiday constantly checking in as he stalked me with texts and phone calls knowingly running my mobile phone bill into the hundreds of pounds. The day I went to meet my childhood friend I showed my exN my new outfit. It happens that my friend made reservations at an exclusive private club for lunch so I had come unprepared and had to buy clothes for it. I dressed up to impress my exN and unbeknownst to me, he saw it as getting ready to cheat with another man. Pot calling kettle....

I left my hotel and headed over to the lunch. I told my exN that it would be about 90 minutes total. When I got there it was the policy of the club to turn off all phones and not to put them on the tables. I did this. When I got out of a lovely lunch and got back to the hotel I found 7 phone calls and 8 texts calling me a lying cheating whore. As we know Narcs transfer to their supplies what they themselves are doing so I was shocked but then not so much. I called him and he accused me of all this crap and I was tired of it all so I cut off the call and went out. I came back and got some dinner and then called him and he was all about loving me etc. His usual game of abuse me then love me. He ruined my holiday with my family once again.

He did the same thing when I went a day later to see the latest Harry Potter with a girlfriend. What I did back was a bit cruel due to the time difference but what I did was every hour or so I sent him a text about where I was and what I was doing. Things like "I am drinking my water now" or "we are walking down the street" or "I am going to the bathroom now". He got really irritated because it was 2 am his time, not that it mattered, he wasn't working (as usual). I finally stopped but he got the message a little bit I think.

I left for my sister's home the next day and there is where he confronted me about looking at his email. I told him yes I looked and told him what I saw and he was all about how he wasn't doing anything and cybersex is just a bit of "banter" and nothing more. I told him it was cheating and he then said you hacked my email and it escalated from there. I knew then this had to end but I would wait till after the holidays because I had a bit of respect for that time of year.

Well one of us did....