Monday, 18 July 2011

The little things

So his horse was at this large livery and, to my understanding, things were going well between us but little things were noticeable. Mr. W had a female ex that would text him good morning and text him good night even tho she was married with children. I expressed to him that I felt this was inappropriate for a married woman to behave even if they were "long time" mates. He told her to stop and go away as per my request and, supposedly, she did. He would text in front of me and not tell me who he was texting and lie when I asked him. In the beginning of our relationship Mr. W stated he did not approve of women who dated outside their race as he had never done. When he asked me if I had I said yes as I had dated a long time friend after my divorce for one summer who happened to be African-american. We had been intimate three times and it just didn't work. It was a relationship as Mr. W defined it and as the world revolved around him and HE defined things so dating someone on and off for three months makes him my boyfriend but not to me. What I thought and how social moires in my country were of no concern to him. He said he forgave me for that but for the rest of our time together he would make comments about how I prefered black men and would point them out on television to me and say "there's your man" - frankly it disgusted me that he was like this but his tantrums and silent treatments were many so I walked on eggshells with him.

It soon came to November of that year and I was to travel to see my family and friends in America as I do every year. Now Mr. W's behaviour was so insane when I went to visit friends or even talked to any male friends, especially those of colour, that I didn't tell him right away that there might be a chance that I would see my African-american friend while home. As he was going home to see his mum I had a small window to see him so I wasn't even sure if we would see each other. Mr. W asked me on the way to the airport if I would see my friend and I was stupidly honest and said maybe but not sure and he immediately began quizzing me. Then he became quiet and distant. While in the airport he started going on about how I was too good for him and maybe I should find someone else. With all his health problems and money problems maybe I should move on. You know what? I should have but I was in love and blind and this was another of his ways of manipulation. He throws down the pity card and victim card and makes himself appear needy and vulnerable playing off my soft spot of helping weak people and he knows i am hooked.  I got on the plane and when I got off there was a text from Mr. W going on and on about how I had planned a secret liaison with my friend and good riddance and have fun. Meanwhile he was home on single sites and soliciting females and telling them he was single. So as he was accusing ME of cheating he was doing it himself. I didn't know this until a couple of months later. Mr. W ruined my entire holiday with my family. He went on and on about how I cheated on him over and over again. Silent treatment over and over again. I was so caught up in it all that I didn't know what to do.

Upon my return home he picked me up and then took me home. I went to the doctor a few days later as I had another urinary tract infection. Since meeting my Mr. W I perpetually had UTI's. I never had them like this before. Her REFUSED to take antibiotics and as many I took I kept getting them. While I was at the doctor's Mr. W went through my emails and read an email I sent to my friend telling him not to mention online we had met up as my partner would go off the wall. Well I got back from my appointment and the computer was left on my bed with that email open and then Mr. W went on FB and put on his status about how he had proof in black and white that I had cheated on him and now he was a free man blah blah blah. I wish I had let the break up stay broken but, again, I was stupid. He sent an email to my friend back home asking if he had been tested for STD'S as I had a UTI so something must be wrong. What an uneducated asshole. He was the one with the problem and he gave it to me. I wish I had seen the red flag waving in my face but I was already beaten back and under the cycle of control and isolation so I ignored it and went back to him.

I know what a moron I was.....

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