Some would say "well you are writing this blog" and I would agree in that this blog is so others can read and learn about my experiences and hopefully avoid what I went through. This blog is also about catharsis for me (Mr. Wonderful if you are reading this that means a cleansing of a sort). I can empty from my brain the crap I went through and, in a way, put it in a place that allows me to move on.
So many of them told throughout our time together:
"I am looking for an HONEST woman because that is what I am about" - I remember reading those words in his personal ad and thinking "wow that would be nice for once" but there was no honesty from him - his age, lied about it, when it came to his friends (lack thereof), his ability to pay back loans (never happened), where he was when he went out (seeing other females), he loved me (he only loved me as long as my bank account was full) and I was beautiful (only until my bank account was empty).
Non-existant - from the beginning he was a cheater. Trolling singles sites, asking close acquaintances to coffee, approaching close friends, telling women he really didn't love me so needed someone to confide in. Sadly this all happened around me and I missed it until others pointed it out and told me.
In simple words - there was none. He built a facade that appeared to be so amazing but proved to good to be true. At first he came across as open-minded, kind, considerate, humble - truth was he was racist, sexist, cruel to those he felt were beneath him, self centered and had an over inflated ego. If he was not the centre of your attention, and everyone else's, then he became angered and kept trying to keep your attention on him in good and bad ways.
Tiring it was all tiring -
To this day, over 18 months later, he tries to perpetuate the lies in his head he believes are true. Lies about my physical appearance, my interests, my hobbies, my past - he puts them out for the public to read and see - what I find amusing is that I am so detached from it all that all I see is a sad, sad small man who simply has no significance in anyone's life but his own.
I leave him to it. Gladly.