Tuesday, 9 August 2011

His Sister

Hmmmm - where to begin. Mr. Wonderful has a sister. Though he is the oldest she is the one that actually understands the meaning of responsibility and, in her own way, respect and loyalty.

We became friends during the first couple of weeks of mine and her brother's relationship. Mr. W had the first of two surgeries on his leg after we met and I had taken time off for a year so I visited him each day in the hospital. She was about my height, 5' 7", but an average sized woman. Mr. W used to tell me she needed at least an hour and a half before leaving the house as she was so concerned by her looks. I saw a bleached blonde woman with way too much makeup on but she obviously loved her brother and appeared somewhat level headed.

She expressed to me that I was the first "normal" female her brother had dated in decades as well as probably the best looking. It became an almost daily occurence that she and I would talk on the phone for a few minutes or an hour. It seemed that she lived her life via the telephone or Facebook.

I found out that even though she was a trained beautician and assisted her husband, now and then, on his rounds as a medical professional, she rarely left the house and lived on the phone and on Facebook. Her entire life revolved around the false personas and stories she created with her bizarre friends on FB. She collected bodybuilders as friends on FB and then would spend hours on the phone with any number of these men no matter where they were in the world.

On a daily basis we would chat about her weird goings on on FB and about her brother's habits and the things he did that she seemed to feel were normal and acceptable. I soon realised that the reason she found his abusive and manipulative behaviour acceptable is because she herself had been a victim of a long term abusive relationship with a man that used to be best friends with her brother. I always found it interesting that Mr. W wanted to "kill" this ex of hers when he found out he hit her but when hearing the mental and emotional crap he did Mr. W never saw anything wrong with it. The fact that Mr. W was good friends with this man and used to swap women with him suddenly made sense. In fact Mr. W would repeat the behaviour and comment on his sister under the guise of "just being honest"

That phrase just killed me - "I'm just being honest" was used to cover the fact that he was about to or had just made a comment that was belittling, horrible, cruel or rascist. It made me sick actually. The sister validated and enabled Mr. W's behaviours and she herself exhibited alot of the same traits.

His sister truly believed that Mr. W and I were meant to be together forever. She worked hard to bring us back together over and over again when he would mess up with his trolling single sites, lying to females, having cybersex with one of her friends. She would say things like "Oh you know how he is" to me so many times that I wanted to slap her. I would scream back "THIS IS NOT NORMAL" and she would agree that it was abusive but she would enable him and support him in his lying/cheating/stealing ways. She would often talk about how they were raised differently then other people because they lived their lives in pubs and clubs that their parents owned so what was normal for others wasn't the same for them. I had never realised that honesty, trust, paying people back and being a responsible adult were for everyone else. I lost count of how many times he would omit details when telling her of incidents between himself and I so he appeared the angel and I appeared nuts - when I would finally point out the missing "bits" she would just get quiet and still take his side.

The sister would provide him with drugs when he ran out of his codeine because of his prescription drug addiction and would give him money when he had overspent on crap he never used. If you her husband ever knew how much of his salary went into the pocket of his brother in law he would have blown up. The truth is without the brother-in-law the entire family would fall apart and it took Mr. W reminding his sister of this fact before she stopped having an emotional affairs with other men.

It is through his sister that I learned about his seven previous engagements; it is through his sister that I learned about how he treated women; it is through his sister that I pieced together that everytime Mr. W messed up as a child and caused havoc where they lived their parents would up sticks and move to another pub. Apparently a woman called up and accused Mr. W of being the father of her daughter's child so their mum said that wasn't possible and then promptly moved home and changed numbers so they could never be found. When I asked Mr. W about this he honestly didn't know or care about the fact that he may have a child in the world. After all he has proudly slept with hundreds of women without a care or a condom.

What always intrigued me was his sister's desperate need to be someone else. She created "false" pages on FB so she could dirty flirt with complete strangers and no one in her husband's extended family would see this. She called these pages her "fun" pages. I called them sad attempts to escape a life she no longer has.The low self esteem and self worth due to her age and that when she was younger she was often mistaken for Claudia Schiffer but now she rarely leaves her home and never puts real pictures of herself on her web pages. Time and again she uses pictures from 20 - 25 years ago but that doesn't surprise me as one of her closest, low class friends doesn't even use pictures of herself - she just puts her face on other, much more attractive women's bodies and then puts them up as if they were pics of herself. Of course this tactic, for both women works to attract men that they lie to about themselves, their interests, and their daily lives and exploits. I pitied the men on the other end.. Meanwhile at home her husband wouldn't sleep with her or didn't want to so she would have emotional affairs calling men as far as Canada to have phone sex while he was out doing his job. I came to realise that she saw this as ok and was in denial that this was cheating on her husband. I began to understand why whatever her brother told her about relationships and the women in his life she would believe without question - it was all about the make believe. I truly believe that she would rather live in a world where her brother was perfect and her marriage was wonderful - in her head - then face the fact the her brother was an addict, a liar, an abuser and a thief and her marriage was falling apart. I truly believe she knew her husband was her meal ticket and without him she would have to go out into the world and get a real job - something she was obviously loathe to do.

Like her brother she left school at 14/15 but she went on to beauty school and, through her modeling, got some semblence of grace and poise. She was fairly literate on the computer and seemed to be able to reason things out well but her life revolved around the dramas of FB.

I have to say there is nothing sadder then someone who tries to fill their life with a life that is all made up and as Mr. W made up his entire personality to cover his emptiness, loneliness and insecurities it was no wonder she did the same.

In the end she took everything we talked about and told her brother - she believed everything and anything he said to her as long as it kept him in that bubble labeled "my perfect big brother" so the knife in my back went pretty deep......

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