Weekend after weekend of what he wants to do when he wants to do it and how he wants to do it.
Now don't get me wrong I love horses and country music and an occasional watching of the series of 24 but Mr. W. idolised Jack Bauer almost like he was a real person. Any TV show that was military themed and American he viewed like a rabid dog. He said time and again he should have joined the military when he was younger. All I kept thinking was how much worse would he be now if he also had the discipline to follow up all his fruitless endeavours?
Day after day of how awful his work was and how he was going to win all this money from suing them. He had slipped on a stair tread at work aggravating his already damaged achilles tendon so he chose to sue them because, contrary to his constant berating me about being about money, all he wanted was money. Lots of it. Mine was running out so he slowly started to do and say the things to further devalue me. There wasn't a day that didn't go by that he would mention one or two of his exes and how hot they were or they looked like this or that celebrity. I saw pics of these women but they were far from celebrity attractive and mostly were low class non-educated women with children. Very few were like myself who actually had careers. I believe there were 3 out of the couple of dozen of women he would brag about. Most of the decent ones were when he was very young and hadn't perfected his style of Use Abuse and Cast aside.
Mr. W had this dream in his head about going to work on a ranch in Arizona for a month. Now let me tell you we are not talking about a true working ranch where you have to get up at dawn and go out and check on cattle via horseback for 14 hours then come home - we are talking about a RESORT ranch where the only thing you are taking out are people on horseback a few times a day. He went with one of his exes to this ranch and got to know the owners because that is what he does and the owner told him he could come work for a month in exchange for room and board. The owner saw free labor standing there so he said ok. Mr. W acted like they were best buddies but I am sure the owner could care less because Mr. W has said for years he is going but has managed to find a way to not to do it especially if I was involved. 3 times we discussed this - the first time he had his leg in a cast and he couldn't do it then the second time the volcano in iceland stopped flights and he refused to pick another date for us to travel and the third time he said he wanted to go but he didn't want me to go for any part of it. I remember he said "Don't you trust me?" I said "Hell no."
The entire summer of that year went mostly without a hitch but my self esteem was gone and my self worth was in the toilet. He kept going on about how I had to lose weight when I had recently lost 6 stone - he used that crap line of "This is only for your health" and "I am being on honest" line as well. He them began a new thing of telling me that my house was disgusting and I had poor personal hygiene. Let's see I don't have time to clean my flat as I was catering to his every whim and errand and making sure I wouldn't say or do anything to start a rage or childish tirade where he doesn't answer his phone or says he may not wake up in the morning and I can have his horse.
Months go by of his making more and more comments and his talking to more and more females. He's back on FB and flirting with women but won't let me see his page. He continues to lie to his exes and never tell them he has a partner. He said, again we would move in together so I gave my expensive bed to charity only for it not to happen again. My accounts are empty but I am looking forward to seeing my family at Thanksgiving and, once again, he won't be with me because, coincidentally, his second surgery is scheduled so he can't go. How convenient.
Not once did Mr. W ask about my family or how any of them were doing. He would ask me how my day was but within minutes the conversation would turn to hm and his needs and wants and what a victim he is. It was all about feeding his desperate need for attention.
At this point no engagement ring, we haven't moved in together and his belittling of me and my life continues and his verbal and emotional abuse escalates when he realises that my bank accounts are empty.
I need out and I have concluded it is time to go. In my head I have begun to detach from this horrible man. As much as I love him I don't deserve to be treated like this - my depression has taken hold but the only way out is to rid myself of him. Maybe there is a way to salvage this but I will see how I feel after I get back from my family holiday.