Monday, 15 August 2011

On it goes

So after catching him on singles sites thing kind of reached a strange level of normalcy. There were no huge outbursts but, looking back I can see where I just lost the will to fight back or pull myself together. I noticed how he would text someone but not tell me who it was but I blanked it and he seemed to have these outbursts at the yard of how much he loved and needed me.

Already at this point females had been telling me that Mr. W kept approaching them and one even stated that he had given them his number "in case they needed anything". She was married and a disgusted by the obvious innuendo. I find it interesting that as much as there a lot of women with no morals or ethics there were many who thought I was a nice enough person to tell me what he was doing and to say without using direct words, that he wasn't worth my time and I was better then him. The hard part is he had succeeded in isolating me and he had my mind so confused with his doubletalk and lies that I wasn't sure anymore what the truth was and what the lies were. He went for weeks of being so loving but he would go on and on about his exGF and how "Spunkbucket" was gonna have her life ruined. He focused on his ex saying she was nuts and how she "never let him rest and forced his every night to be physical with him" and that she beat her kids and her horse so he was gonna make sure she was ruined. I watched as he sent photos of her without her walking stick to the Benefits office and called them again and again to make sure they saw her as a benefit thief. Eventually they took her benefits away and she has had to put her horse on loan. Was she really a benefit thief? Did she beat her kids? I don't know but the way he went about things, including his sister in it all, was frightening to watch. Even if she was all he said she was - I felt sorry for her because I was truly seeing how unbalanced he was - it started that little spark in the back of my mind that this man was just not right in the head.

As I said previously. Mr. W's sister fed his addictions - drugs and shopping. Weeks before his 50th birthday she metioned that she found this watch that the character Jack Bauer wore in 24 and showed it to him - of course he wanted it and as he gets everything he wants she bought it for him. It wasn't cheap and he was grateful but like a 15 year old he just accepted it like he deserved it. Meanwhile for his big birthday I had professional portraits done. It cost me a lot of money to not only have the pictures taken but to have them framed and instead of saying that this was lovely all he did was criticize that I should have used the photographer he knew and then stated he would have done them all differently. Further he noticed that we used a local historic hotel and we were in one of its rooms so he intimated that there was more going on then just the photos. In essence he knew better and the photos were horrible and somewhere in there I cheated on him. Mr. W is a mediocre photographer at best and was an ungrateful wretch when it came to what I had done.

As the time passed I noticed that he was chatting with some exes and when I asked him if they knew he had a partner he said no and when I asked why he hadn't told them he said why should he and I said because you are in a relationship and it's wrong he went on about how I am controlling and all about money and food. He always did this - he would turn it around so it was about me being jealous or find fault and twist it so he was never to blame.

When we first me he went on and on about he didn't believe in celebrating birthdays or holidays as he, and his family, gave gifts whenever they felt like it so they didn't need a particularly day to do this. What this really meant was he was a cheap bastard and only gave gifts when he needed to impress or was about to lose his supply. When my birthday came around a month after his I didn't expect anything. After all he had yet to take me on a real date or buy anything significant of quality. In the first few months he bought me a pair of cowboy boots and a riding helmet. Both I needed and were of some expense but after that he spent all his money on himself and bought me cheap tat that seemed nice on the surface but was crap afterwards. Once he bought me a couple of watches that I liked but both fell apart within weeks. Nothing like I would have truly bought for myself. I still have them and wear them now and then but it makes my stomach turn to hold them to be truthful. Like him they were tacky and over the top - no class. For my birthday he actually did buy me a framed wonder woman comic poster. I was taken by surprise especially as it's something that I truly do like - as I am a comic book geek. I only found out much later his sister paid for it. Sigh. So much for putting me first.

It was soon after this that the walls of our relationship began to fall. We were in a tack shop when I heard his phone go and went to stand with him and saw a female had texted him. I waited till we were in the car and asked him who that was and he lied to my face and said it was a male friend. I watched him as he looked me in the eye and lied to me. We got back to his flat and he put his smartphone on charge. I asked to look at it as I had never used one. Subconsciously I think I wanted to see this text but I didn't think about that at first. He actually said it was ok to look at his phone. I pressed every symbol to see what they all did and I touched the envelope and up popped the message "Hey gorgeous your text almost got me in trouble will text later" - I just about lost it. He bullshit his way through it and then told me who it was. It was the married with kids ex that had been texting him 8 months before with the good morning good night messages that I asked him to cut off because that is not appropriate. He said he had but the truth is he lied and hid her from me. To top it off he had lunch with her and didn't tell me. I knew then and there I had to get out but didn't know how....

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