Thursday, 9 August 2012

Jealousy and Envy

Again and again it is said that Narcissists/Sociopaths are cold, distant animals but I think they thrive on the "hotter" emotions of anger, jealousy, and envy.

Whether consciously or unconsciously I believe that the N's search for supply that have the aspects that are missing within themselves. Intelligence, education, success, large group of friends, acceptance, respect - all these things that the N's can't secure or find for themselves they try to take from their supply - they systematically destroying those aspects they themselves can't have.

I found that within my relationship my N partner kept saying the reason he was with me was my intelligence, my beauty, my success and friends. That he couldn't wait to meet my friends, that he could help me expand my career and together we would build a life, he couldn't wait to meet my family and go to America.

Over time he alienated my friends by making disgusting remarks or hitting on them. He would try to push me into doing things that he then would take credit for so he would look better; he emptied my bank account with promises and wasted business ideas; constantly made comments regarding my weight, managed to always back out of our living together and never could seem to make it to visit my family

He kept wanting what I had then destroying it all. He could not handle the fact that though he, on the surface was so supportive, underneath it all he hated that I was the way I was. He hated that I had the friends, university education, had a life, a career, a good salary and was respected by those around me.

It took some time but I began to see the simmering below the surface. The digs over time - his comments "You think you know everything?" - taking what at first attracted him to me and twisting it because he left school at 15 and he feels people somehow know this and hold it against him. He holds it against himself.

I found from his sister that he kept discussing my bank account with her and how I wasn't sharing my money because, after all, we were to be married. He couldn't save or keep money before it was out the door on some crap - he quickly made sure he spent my money and repeatedly accused me of being only about money.

That's only a couple of examples but looking back it is now obvious at what was lacking in his life contributed to his empty soul. He had no friends of any worth, his debt was through the ceiling, he couldn't get ahead at work, and he was getting to old and women laughed at his comments and overtures so he was truly realising that he would be unsuccessful in getting a quality woman in his life or any sort of supply.

In the end his jealousy and envy surfaced as anger and hate revealing a truly ugly human being if he could have been called one. His lies were exposed and those he thought he could manipulate against me turned against him and he was left alone and having to cut ties with a large number of people with the excuse that I was poisoning his life.

He had no life to poison and I wasn't that interested enough to bother.

1 comment:

CircleTalkHell said...

wow. some of those things describe my ex perfectly. Incredible. Thank you so much for this post!