Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Shoud I or Shouldn't I?

It's been a bit more then a year since the last time I saw my exNarc. He has attempted contacting friends, my partner and acquaintances telling them lies about me so that they sympathise with him. My friends have ignored him, my partner can't stand him and, frankly, I could care less about the acquaintances. If they mattered in my life they would be more then acquaintances and they can believe what they want to. The interesting bit is when an "acquaintance" finds a way of contacting me and tells me about how Mr. W gave her his number or told her how I made up the engagement between he and I or I was a controlling bitch and all about money and that they wanted me to know because I seemed like a nice person and shouldn't be treated like that.

Maybe I am all about money because the amount he took from me weighs heavily on me. At times I can't believe I believed him when he said he would pay me back. He was, and probably still is, a shopaholic so all money is like sand through a sieve. He's liar and always will be. Hindsight is 20/20 and looking back all things are so clear - it's when you are in the middle of the sh*t that you don't see a thing. When you are up to your neck in double talk and lies with nothing or anyone to fall back on because you are isolated it looks like there is no way out but there is and eventually I found it but the complete loss of my financial security was the price.

After all this time -  after I have my feet firmly back under me - with an amazing man at my side and solid future ahead - should I sue him for the money owed??? I know I could win as I have numerous emails where he states "I am not like other men and steal money from women - I pay back my debts and I hate taking money from a woman" over and over again as well as texts of his emotional and verbal abuse.

But do I want to be in the same room as this low class uneducated mug? Do I want to look at someone who is so far beneath me he isn't worth the oxygen he breathes? Do I want to bring back all the memories of his devaluation and discarding of me as a partner and woman?


Should I just take it as the price paid for escaping an horrific abusive relationship with a psychopathic animal who worships the violence of Jack Bauer and would speak of shooting his colleagues with semi automatic machine guns and has a collection of over 50 sharpened knives both legal and illegal. Mr. W used to talk about shooting at his neighbour's children with high powered paintball guns and it used to make me shiver because he meant it.

I could always feel the anger simmering just below the surface. Anger at the world for not respecting him and the greatness that he has in him that no one recognises but his family and those that don't really know him. He would find anyone and anything to let loose at - if it wasn't his doctors for seeing through his prescription drug addiction it was his employer for seeing him as the sciver he was or it was getting back at an ex because she treated him as crappy and disrespectfully as he treated her and he hated that.

Thinking back I knew he wasn't right for me but I wasn't sure how to pull myself out of the situation. He never liked the things I truly liked or treated me like the partner I was. He never respected my opinion unless someone else was around for him to act as if he loved me or listened to my thoughts and actually heeded them. There are times he had to listen because he wasn't educated to a level to interpret the legal processes he was entering into. I had to water down everything so he could understand it and let it all sink in.

Should I sue him? Today I am of the mind not to but I can't guarantee what tomorrow brings.....

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