There are so many definitions for this word across so many disciplines - to me transference or projection means when someone accuses you or suspects you of things they themselves have done or will eventually do.
Mr. W accused of lying, cheating, being all about money, possessiveness, jealousy and controlling
Cheating and Lying. These are the two things my Mr. W said he would not tolerated in any relationship.
What did he do the most? Cheated and lied.
I came to the conclusion that if he was breathing he was lying but I will save that for another post.
I had lost count how many times the exN would say or do things and it felt that he was reading my mind but then all it was was his saying what he knew to be true.
One incident was when I found out that he had no less then FIVE mobile phones and he turned to me and said "I bet you think I call other women on these phones" of course I assured him that I did not - truth was at the time I was still in the trusting phase so it didn't occur to me YET to think that but the TRUTH was that he was contacting other females on those phones.
When it came to cheating he was the king of it all. Of course he would make up some stupid lie thinking he had gotten something over on me but reality was I just added it to the long list that drove me further away from him.
My favorite actually happened after he had D & D'd me. It was 2 months after he had thrown my keys back at me and after I agreed to a trial to see if he had changed at all. A week into it all I was at work on a Monday and I knew he had the day off so on my break I called him - both on his mobile and his home phone. No answer. I called again a half hour later and then again 45 minutes later. You would think this was nagging but once the trust is gone you just roll with it. I called on and off for hours when around half past 5 in the evening I get a text that states "Stupid neighbours woke me up" - as if I was supposed to believe he had been sleeping when I know darn well the house phone has an extension that rings in the bedroom next to his HEAD. That was the exact moment of my awakening to the fact that I was over him and he was nothing more then the stuff I scrape off my boot after cleaning out a horse stall. I waited till the weekend and I dumped him.
To top it all off was the time he told me had snuck onto the field of an NFL game played here in the UK. He told me how he got a fake press pass and he was on the field with the pros - blah blah blah. Well I came to find out that he stole that story from none other then B!!! The reason I know B is telling the truth is because he has pictures of himself, NOT Mr. W, there on the sideline.
When it came to accusing me of cheating he was ahead of the curve. Everytime I was out of his sight he would send rude horrible emails calling me disgusting names and tell me how I was cheating on him. Even if I told him exactly where I was going and with who he didn't believe me. What's so interesting is that I never cheated on him but he was cheating on me and it was as if he accused me of it then it validated what he was doing.
He actually accused me of cheating with a friend of mine of 30 years who I hadn't seen since childhood while he was on Facebook having cybersex with a female he had only added 3 days before. When I confronted him he wanted me to apologise to her for sending her a message to get the hell away from my partner. He had multiple females around during our relationship. He would say he wanted a night in and he was tired so I would get my butt in a cab or take a bus over and sit on the wall across from his flat and watch skanky females go in and leave.
My favourite is when he said he had removed a certain female from his life only to find out that 8 months later he was still talking and calling her but lying to me about it.
He also asked out a close acquaitance of mine for coffee and when she rejected him and confronted him about his being in a relationship he turned around and started a hate campaign against her to keep me from having further contact and finding out the truth.
Never could he hold on to a penny and once he saw that I had savings he found ways of pushing buttons and getting his hands on my money. Supposedly we were to be married so his promises of paying me back and together we will buy a home, etc. sounded plausible but I was under his thumb and lost so he took and took and never paid me back but yet I was the one all about money. To this day I find this amusing as, in the end, I had none!
Over time he managed to work things so I saw my friends less, monopolised my time and thoughts and controlled what I wore and where I went. If I was out he called many, many time; if I said I was somewhere he would quiz me; if I told him something about a friend he would belittle them and say horrible things about them hinting they said things about me to him in confidence.
Reality was he was the one that could not be trusted - turned off his phone when he was out; lied about where he was and who he was with and got angry and indignant when I asked about who he had seen.
What is comes down to it he felt he needed to give as good as he got so if he convinced himself that I was lying and cheating, spending money, and controlling his behaviour then it was ok to do it to me. Only problem is I never did any of those things - maybe that was my problem.
Mr. W accused of lying, cheating, being all about money, possessiveness, jealousy and controlling
Cheating and Lying. These are the two things my Mr. W said he would not tolerated in any relationship.
What did he do the most? Cheated and lied.
I came to the conclusion that if he was breathing he was lying but I will save that for another post.
I had lost count how many times the exN would say or do things and it felt that he was reading my mind but then all it was was his saying what he knew to be true.
One incident was when I found out that he had no less then FIVE mobile phones and he turned to me and said "I bet you think I call other women on these phones" of course I assured him that I did not - truth was at the time I was still in the trusting phase so it didn't occur to me YET to think that but the TRUTH was that he was contacting other females on those phones.
When it came to cheating he was the king of it all. Of course he would make up some stupid lie thinking he had gotten something over on me but reality was I just added it to the long list that drove me further away from him.
My favorite actually happened after he had D & D'd me. It was 2 months after he had thrown my keys back at me and after I agreed to a trial to see if he had changed at all. A week into it all I was at work on a Monday and I knew he had the day off so on my break I called him - both on his mobile and his home phone. No answer. I called again a half hour later and then again 45 minutes later. You would think this was nagging but once the trust is gone you just roll with it. I called on and off for hours when around half past 5 in the evening I get a text that states "Stupid neighbours woke me up" - as if I was supposed to believe he had been sleeping when I know darn well the house phone has an extension that rings in the bedroom next to his HEAD. That was the exact moment of my awakening to the fact that I was over him and he was nothing more then the stuff I scrape off my boot after cleaning out a horse stall. I waited till the weekend and I dumped him.
To top it all off was the time he told me had snuck onto the field of an NFL game played here in the UK. He told me how he got a fake press pass and he was on the field with the pros - blah blah blah. Well I came to find out that he stole that story from none other then B!!! The reason I know B is telling the truth is because he has pictures of himself, NOT Mr. W, there on the sideline.
When it came to accusing me of cheating he was ahead of the curve. Everytime I was out of his sight he would send rude horrible emails calling me disgusting names and tell me how I was cheating on him. Even if I told him exactly where I was going and with who he didn't believe me. What's so interesting is that I never cheated on him but he was cheating on me and it was as if he accused me of it then it validated what he was doing.
He actually accused me of cheating with a friend of mine of 30 years who I hadn't seen since childhood while he was on Facebook having cybersex with a female he had only added 3 days before. When I confronted him he wanted me to apologise to her for sending her a message to get the hell away from my partner. He had multiple females around during our relationship. He would say he wanted a night in and he was tired so I would get my butt in a cab or take a bus over and sit on the wall across from his flat and watch skanky females go in and leave.
My favourite is when he said he had removed a certain female from his life only to find out that 8 months later he was still talking and calling her but lying to me about it.
He also asked out a close acquaitance of mine for coffee and when she rejected him and confronted him about his being in a relationship he turned around and started a hate campaign against her to keep me from having further contact and finding out the truth.
Never could he hold on to a penny and once he saw that I had savings he found ways of pushing buttons and getting his hands on my money. Supposedly we were to be married so his promises of paying me back and together we will buy a home, etc. sounded plausible but I was under his thumb and lost so he took and took and never paid me back but yet I was the one all about money. To this day I find this amusing as, in the end, I had none!
Over time he managed to work things so I saw my friends less, monopolised my time and thoughts and controlled what I wore and where I went. If I was out he called many, many time; if I said I was somewhere he would quiz me; if I told him something about a friend he would belittle them and say horrible things about them hinting they said things about me to him in confidence.
Reality was he was the one that could not be trusted - turned off his phone when he was out; lied about where he was and who he was with and got angry and indignant when I asked about who he had seen.
What is comes down to it he felt he needed to give as good as he got so if he convinced himself that I was lying and cheating, spending money, and controlling his behaviour then it was ok to do it to me. Only problem is I never did any of those things - maybe that was my problem.
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