Monday, 16 January 2012

Lessons Learned

Some of these points may be a DUH to some and sound cheesy to others but, for me, they are pretty important to moving forward:

1. Love yourself - Jerry Maguire has that famous line of "You complete me" - you know what? No one completes you - YOU complete you. Don't start something until you can look in the mirror happy with the person you are inside and out. (now I know there are bits physically we don't like about ourselves but be realistic)

2. If it's too good to be true then it is! - The speed at which Mr. W moved in order to secure me as his supply of mental, emotional and fiscal font was overwhelming. If someone - male or female - tells you within weeks they love you and want to live with you and within months want to marry you then step back and think about it - no really - why would someone be in such a rush? Are they dying within the next few weeks? I am guessing not but for them, for someone who is a Narcissist, the desperate need for ego building supply is an addiction that needs to be fed ASAP. They are emotional vampires and will drain you and leave you to die without a backward glance. As swiftly as they will sweep you off your feet this is a BIG red flag that you need to run the other way.

3. Listen to your friends - as hard as it is to see beyond the rose-tinted glasses of love/lust  your friends can see from outside the bubble what is and what isn't happening. My friends saw that an equal, loving partnership wasn't there and they told me so; they saw his disgusting behaviour with other women and told me; complete strangers came up to me to tell me what they had experienced because they felt I was too nice to be with such a man; I ignored them all after all I was a fixer and I could FIX him.

4. Fixing - there is no way you can "FIX" someone with NPD. They are selfish, ego driven, animals that thrive on instinct alone for what they need and want and your needs and wants are secondary to nothing in their world. They are psychopaths when it comes to calculating what to say and do to get the reaction they want when they want it from their supply. There is nothing about caring for your thoughts and feelings in any way, shape or form.

5. I wasn't crazy - when things don't make sense in your head then believe me, they don't make sense. Mr. W twisted my words and actions so many ways that I couldn't figure out which way was up but when he wasn't speaking or around I knew what had happened and what was said. They will make you feel like you are never right and your perception is never correct but the truth is they want you off balance so you are easier to manipulate and use.

6. There are good people out there - I got lucky and met a man who has been my rock and pillar of strength. They are out there and you eventually have to open up to them but it takes a lot of therapy, talking with friends, and soul searching to know when you are ready. Yes, you chose him but you don't have to repeat the pattern!!!

Know yourself and you will then know what you want and how you want it. This applies to life as well as the people in it. There is no need to have someone in your life that drains all passion and emotion out of you - it isn't easy but once you recognise these people it becomes easy to walk away with head held high.

If I can do it you can do it.

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