Sunday, 15 January 2012


Since the finale - hmmmm - let's see - He left me bankrupt, with less friends (may have been a good thing), a distrust of almost all men, and a deep loathing of my own body. I had post traumatic stress disorder- every time I went to walk into the town we lived in I would physically shake and vomit. My sleep patterns were completely disrupted with the cognitive dissonance - the constant replay of all the stupid crap he said and did to me. I was full of shame as he had asked my father for my hand in marriage and swore we would move in together especially to pay back the thousands of pounds he owed me and I believed it all. Each time he said he would pay me back, he would take care of me financially and I was the last woman in his life - none of that was true - it was his game to reel me in and take all I had to give - mentally, emotionally and financially.

I got lucky and met B who is understanding, patient and loving. Who has been around the block a time or two like I have and understands I have this baggage. There are moments that he triggers me but he is calm about it and waits it all out. He knows I have no trust when his phone rings and he doesn't tell me who it was so he tells me every time; he knows that Mr. W was and is a thief and always pays me back as soon as possible whether it be 5 pounds or 50 he pays me back; he kisses me and makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world to him NOT competing against every female real and imagined for his attention. B is 100% real adult secure man - something Mr. W never was and never will be.

With Mr. W's broken promises my immigration status was completely messed up but after almost a year the Home Office has allowed a Leave to Remain and I have nothing to worry about as I look to find a job back closer to B.

Mr. W is a stagnated child who was spoiled to the point of never taking responsibility for his actions as a child and an adult. HIs mum passed on and his sister enables and supports his behaviours and even has some of the same over sexualised habits. He has no self worth or self esteem. He is desperate to be the centre of attention and looked up to and admired as if it was his God-given right to be worshipped. Looking back his ways are transparent and obviously rehearsed to the point of it all being automatic and he almost has no recognition that he is doing what he is doing. Everything he accused me of he himself did  - the lying, cheating, the invading of my privacy, that taking without giving back - he did it all and I was so insecure I allowed some of it but he just kept going and going. Right now the thought of him makes me sick to my stomach and angry - so very very very angry. I am working on this anger but it's not easy even after a year.

My life has not been the same since having met him - up and down but I take a bit of comfort knowing Mr. Wonderful is alone and will always be alone. He is incapable of caring about anyone but himself - he is a psychopath and it's scary to know he has a collection of over 50 knives and wishes he could have killed his last employer. He isn't stable and I am glad he is out of my life.

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