Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Not Human

As time passes on I look back at my Mr. Wonderful and slowly see the truth that in the truest sense of the word he was/is not "human".

There is no humanity in him - no empathy, no sympathy, no deeper emotions. The thing I spent my time with was a construct only created to bring me in and trap me. There was and is no real Mr. W as he is unable to be anything without people/women idolizing him. In order to obtain this ego "drug" he at first gives the appearance of actually listening to what you have to say. It's almost as if you think he cares enough but what he is hearing is all the ways he can control and manipulate you.

You used to be heavy and now you aren't but you have appearance issues - he will tell you you look lovely and amazing until the day he is bored with you then you are fat and need to lose weight and others are more attractive.

Men are threatened by your strong will - he will say he loves you as that strong woman until you disagree with him then you are a bitch and no wonder men leave you.

You attended a good university and have a higher degree - He says he can't believe what a smart woman he has in his life until you figure out his lies then you are condescending and arrogant thinking you know better.

He appears to have the same hobbies/likes as you but the truth is he actually is mimicking you with the hope this will quicken the bonding between you. My Mr. W wanted me because I was American and he said he wanted to live in America, marry an American be more more American. He always said he was born in the wrong country. When I stated I may want to move back to America he acted as if that was great because he wasn't all the concerned about his family and he would love to live there and get married there. When he did not produce a ring and he broke up with me he told people I went back to America and that he couldn't be that far from his family as he is so close to them so we broke up.

Mr W also had his horse but he only got the horse to impress a previous female. He also was previously into western linedancing, swing dancing, fell walking, scuba diving, and my favorite was bodybuilding. In all these things he would get to a certain level and then get no further or give it up because the relationship with the supply who actually enjoyed the hobby was gone or no one paid enough attention anymore to make continuing worth it. A Narc has no real ambition to truly accomplish something - to finish something means taking responsibility for something and owning up if he/she fails - something they simply can't do and also because it doesn't fill the need - the addiction.

I will never forget one night I was looking at Facebook and came across a friend of his sister's that had albums of her face on other female's bodies. He kept pushing then demanding that I click on her albums so he could see all the pictures. He was too stupid to realise none of it was real and wanted to view the albums while sitting next to me. Even after I explained that the images were fake he demanded that I show him the albums. When I said no and shut the laptop he rolled over putting his back to me and went to sleep like a petulant child. A half hour later my sister called to tell me she had breast cancer. I was sobbing at the news and without even turning over he patted me three times on the back and said I am sure she will be fine and that was it.

There is nothing real about a Narcissist. Nothing true nothing right - no real emotions no empathy no sympathy - it's all about feeding their needs and finding supply and using that supply up and moving on. As I have said previously they are emotional and mental vampires. No remorse. No regret. 

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