Jealousy and Envy

Again and again it is said that Narcissists/Sociopaths are cold, distant animals but I think they thrive on the "hotter" emotions of anger, jealousy, and envy.

Whether consciously or unconsciously I believe that the N's search for supply that have the aspects that are missing within themselves. Intelligence, education, success, large group of friends, acceptance, respect - all these things that the N's can't secure or find for themselves they try to take from their supply - they systematically destroying those aspects they themselves can't have.

I found that within my relationship my N partner kept saying the reason he was with me was my intelligence, my beauty, my success and friends. That he couldn't wait to meet my friends, that he could help me expand my career and together we would build a life, he couldn't wait to meet my family and go to America.

Over time he alienated my friends by making disgusting remarks or hitting on them. He would try to push me into doing things that he then would take credit for so he would look better; he emptied my bank account with promises and wasted business ideas; constantly made comments regarding my weight, managed to always back out of our living together and never could seem to make it to visit my family

He kept wanting what I had then destroying it all. He could not handle the fact that though he, on the surface was so supportive, underneath it all he hated that I was the way I was. He hated that I had the friends, university education, had a life, a career, a good salary and was respected by those around me.

It took some time but I began to see the simmering below the surface. The digs over time - his comments "You think you know everything?" - taking what at first attracted him to me and twisting it because he left school at 15 and he feels people somehow know this and hold it against him. He holds it against himself.

I found from his sister that he kept discussing my bank account with her and how I wasn't sharing my money because, after all, we were to be married. He couldn't save or keep money before it was out the door on some crap - he quickly made sure he spent my money and repeatedly accused me of being only about money.

That's only a couple of examples but looking back it is now obvious at what was lacking in his life contributed to his empty soul. He had no friends of any worth, his debt was through the ceiling, he couldn't get ahead at work, and he was getting to old and women laughed at his comments and overtures so he was truly realising that he would be unsuccessful in getting a quality woman in his life or any sort of supply.

In the end his jealousy and envy surfaced as anger and hate revealing a truly ugly human being if he could have been called one. His lies were exposed and those he thought he could manipulate against me turned against him and he was left alone and having to cut ties with a large number of people with the excuse that I was poisoning his life.

He had no life to poison and I wasn't that interested enough to bother.

The End Part 2

He called me and says he had been on all these dates and that I had spoiled him. That I was the smartest woman he had ever dated and all these women were dumb. He couldn't listen to their talk talk about nothing. Of course they were all good looking and he only had a kiss and cuddle with some of them but none of them were worth his time because he had let the best one get away - me. Would I meet him for dinner at the pub?

Now understand the pub he was referring to was one I wanted to have Sunday dinner at for a year and he never took me. In fact he never took me on any real dates because that meant his paying for something that wasn't completely about himself. He didn't even pay for the pub dinner because, as usual, he didn't have the money for it so his sister gave him the money.

We talked a bit and he said he would pick me up at a certain time and afterwards we could go visit his horse. Frankly I don't know how he was able to keep his horse without my supplementing his income with my buying all the extra food and treats for him. Of course Mr. W said he would pay me back but he never did but I was worried for the animal more then anything else. I said I would listen to what he had to say and that was it. I bought a nice dress and then brought clothes for the yard.

He picked me up and sat across from him while I ordered wine with my dinner and had everything I wanted. He went on about how we both made mistakes and we both needed to make compromises. I listed off that he needed to stop with the silent mobile, and not telling women he was in a relationship, that he needed to start paying me back and taking me out. He said I needed to stop being jealous and that we all need our privacy and his needs to be respected. I said if we are in a relationship there is no privacy and nothing is hidden. He said if we aren't married then that doesn't apply. I heaved a heavy sigh - pretty sure nothing was going to change but I agreed to a trial run.

So we got back together but never were intimate. Apparently he had thrush on his tongue. He said he got it from using an inhaler I know damn well he got it from oral sex with all those women he "kissed and cuddled" while we were apart. I didn't kiss him nor did I have sex with him. The following Saturday - one week later - after our dinner we went up to the yard to see his horse and for me to see the women there I had grown close to. One of the women I really respected came in while Mr. W was riding his horse in the training ring. She and I spoke where he couldn't hear and she said to not go back to him and to leave him. That he had a number of women up to the yard to visit the horse and had said horrible things about me. I said I knew and that I wasn't convinced on anything at this point. I then ran into the stable manager and she said directly that I should not get back with him and that he's been a complete and utter jerk about me. I knew he had been - no one had to tell me different but I was playing wait and see. The following Monday I tried to call him and he didn't answer his mobile. I called him every few hours on both the mobile and home phone knowing it rings in his bedroom with no answer. That evening around 5 I get a text that says "Damn neighbours woke me up again". I knew this was a bald faced lie and he had been out with another female. I knew then and there I didn't want anything to do with him. Especially as none of his behaviours had changed and he had expected all of mine to change immediately. His phone was on silent and kept it on him at all times. He would not let me see his facebook page and he never changed his status. All in all he was truly becoming repulsive to me.

The following weekend I knew I could not stay with him and I told B on Facebook that I would break it off with Mr. W on Sunday. On Saturday Mr. W took me to the store to buy my weekly groceries and he went to the ironmongers for some stuff then said he was on the phone with a male friend. I said can see that and he said no. I then called his sister to see if he'd been talking to her and she said no. He stayed over and the next morning I told him I wasn't happy. He said oh really and I said that since he had not changed any of his behaviours that I didn't want to be with him and he needed to leave. He said I was the first woman to ever break up with him and I said it would be nice to be the first at something in his life and then he left. I doubt I am the first woman to break up with him. But when he was gone i was so relieved I called B and said let's meet for coffee and he came by and we have been inseperable since.

I can honestly say if it wasn't for B I would have never dated again but he shown me that there are kind, caring, understanding and patient men out there who are willing to get through crap and on to the good stuff.

Mr. W found out that B and I were dating and that's when the facade was gone and the vengeful cruel man came out....